whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My vagina just clenched in fear
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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