Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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