She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
