I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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