I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
