just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
