I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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