i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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