Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize