i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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