I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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