Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
