I've blown a few things in my day
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
