honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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