why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
