I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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