Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
