dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it because I queefed?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
