my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
