I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
