I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
