i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Randomize
