I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
