I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize