Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize