you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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