I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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