Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
