Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
