Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
