Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
