well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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