My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
