My nipple is on Facebook.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
