We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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