just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm at about main and main street
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
