Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
