im six kinds of drunk right now
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
