I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
