Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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