it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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