im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
