Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
