ugly people sure do ruin things
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
