I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
