the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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