Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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