You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
