i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
