He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
