I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
