i already hear my dad disowning me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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