you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
