Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
