I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Still dying that you shit outside
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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