just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
