What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
