They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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