How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
