I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
