Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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