I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
