Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?