Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.

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  (650): Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot. http://tfl.nu/4k0i
  Replies (16) Good night (4289) Bad night (685)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (7119) Bad night (1606)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

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  (651): The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. http://tfl.nu/9cqq
  Replies (15) Good night (5263) Bad night (1155)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?

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  (716): Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed? http://tfl.nu/24fj
  Replies (28) Good night (6566) Bad night (1459)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

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  (757): Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore. http://tfl.nu/pqxc
  Replies (31) Good night (1626) Bad night (4866)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong

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  (250): But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong http://tfl.nu/o9zp
  Replies (7) Good night (1111) Bad night (2187)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.

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  (716): Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him. http://tfl.nu/tozm
  Replies (10) Good night (3338) Bad night (988)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy

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  (217): I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy http://tfl.nu/0wt3
  Replies (5) Good night (1631) Bad night (635)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite

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  (573): I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite http://tfl.nu/v7zy
  Replies (6) Good night (1402) Bad night (1513)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.

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  (512): I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good. http://tfl.nu/1b0u
  Replies (2) Good night (1001) Bad night (485)
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  (631): View more from New York

  He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.

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  (631): He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes. http://tfl.nu/wcz4
  Replies (7) Good night (1470) Bad night (790)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.

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  (309): You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed. http://tfl.nu/qkqo
  Replies (2) Good night (1734) Bad night (423)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.

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  (904): But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast. http://tfl.nu/ubtv
  Replies (7) Good night (1539) Bad night (585)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....

  (1+44): View more from

  The baked potato bra?

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  (+44): I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered.... (1+44): The baked potato bra? http://tfl.nu/bc4d
  Replies (4) Good night (629) Bad night (828)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.

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  (231): I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me. http://tfl.nu/8mfk
  Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (197)

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