my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs