not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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