i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up