so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They took my balls.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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